*Record scratch* *Freeze frame*

Yup, that’s me. You’re probably wondering how I got here.

Well, 33 years ago, at 11:52am, I was yanked from my mother’s sliced-open uterus and brought crooked-fingered and stubby-lashed into the world. (Yes, those are the first things my mother thought about me — those 1984 c-section drugs were something else.) This is, of course, after I made hundreds of people late to work that morning…

Yeah, I was a cute kid, sugar-coated and gleeful in my handmade Halloween dragon costume.

Yeah, I was an awkward teen, all self-conscious and chubby in my crystal-studded baby-tee, candy necklace, flared jeans, and weird double buns. (I wish people could fully understand the irony of me wearing that t-shirt, as I did not drink or do drugs, hadn’t had sex, and was in marching band, debate team, JV bowling, and part of the literary magazine.)

Yeah, now I’m a confident woman, all self-assured and fat (and fabulous) and literally not giving a damn if anyone else likes it, because I do.

You know, life moves at a dizzying pace. I can literally remember all of those moments — okay, not the day I was born — but they were all such a long time ago. And there’s so much time still ahead too. 33 once seemed old to my 23-year-old self, or my 13-year-old self, and I imagine my 3-year-old self thought that 33 was literally elderly. But I now realize I’m not even halfway through my life, and I still have so much living to do.

So if I can leave you with any “literally elderly” wisdom…never give up on yourself. I’ve been depressed, I’ve been bullied, I’ve had eating disorders, I’ve cut myself, I’ve had failures, I’ve hated myself more than anyone else could hate me, and I’m still here. That quagmire felt endless, but I’m through the other side. There will be more downs ahead, but more ups as well, and having the belief in myself will always be my guiding star.

So as a birthday gift to myself, I leave you with that. And…

with the chance to win $300 to Simply Be!

Enter below!